Wednesday, May 6, 2015

love and marriage.



Marriage is lovely. My marriage is lovely.
My marriage is lovely because Jeremiah is lovely.

Seriously, if I was just chillin' in this marriage by myself (Go with me here for a minute. I'm well aware I'm not making any sense.), it would be a hot ass mess. Mainly, because 99.9% of the time, I am a hot ass mess.

Jere is the cleanliness that sparkles me up and dusts me off when I'm just too untamed to be seen in public. He's the calm to my tension. He's the hope to my cynicism. He's the lightness when I'm feeling just so...heavy. He comes up behind me and acts as a shield when I feel like the world is about to cave in on me.

Jeremiah loves me with so much zeal. It's overwhelming at times. Like, he's happy to see me ALL THE TIME. He's happy to see everyone all the time. He's so positive and smiley and truth be told, it's exhausting at times. Like, c'mon dude, you're making me look bad over here with all my awkwardness and anxiety.

He loves talking to people and he's probably the most outgoing person I know (which is one of my absolute favorite things about him). He's bright and shiny and filled with so much love. He just LOVES people so hard. He loves me so hard.

He knows what I'm feeling before I feel it. He knows what I'm thinking before I say it. He buys me flowers. He cooks me dinner. He rubs my feet. He just wants to make me smile.

I repeat, marriage is lovely. 

I should also mention that marriage is grueling. 

It's demanding and thorny and complex. At times, it's just downright exhausting. And I'm saying this after nine months of marriage and no kids to cart around to soccer practice. So I know I'm just at the tip of the iceberg with this one, but hear me out anyway, married-for-a-long-time people.

Jeremiah and I--we're both feelers. We both feel with every fiber of our souls. He has the most tender heart and I cry during Hallmark commercials, so you do the math. There's a lot of emotion filling up this house we share and it can be intense and suffocating and taxing on both of us.

Jeremiah and I can really get into it sometimes. We're both so stubborn. We're both so emotional. The battles can be fierce and biting and jarring. We're both still learning how to argue and fight as a married couple. (Is there a right way? Married people, help me out here.) We're both learning which battles are worth it and which ones are just wasting time that we could be spending loving each other fiercely. The fights we have can be utterly draining, but the reconciliations--the rebuilding of the love muscle--that's even more fervent. That's the best part actually. When you come back together after a harsh separation and meld together even better than before. You just feel stronger.

Jeremiah makes me feel stronger. He's my coach, my support, my comfort, my cornerstone. He makes me feel beautiful and worthy and capable even on the days when I'm in the gutter--ready to accept the day as a loss. He will find the sparkle in the dullest of days. He will always make sure that each day we spend together as husband and wife is a win.

Again, marriage is lovely.
Marriage is grueling.
But marriage with Jeremiah is also a gift.

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